In the Summer of 2003 I proposed to my wife. In the time from that day until our wedding the following Summer, we experienced a lot of turmoil from external forces. Just to give you an idea about what happened in the 12 month engagement aside from the usual wedding preparations: I visited her fam in Ecuador, returned to learn that my mom and step-dad were trying to use their influence in our church to stop our wedding, one of my brothers jumped on the band wagon, I tried to appease the situation by making him my Best Man, he agreed, later decided to cuss out my fiancé over the phone and said he wouldn't be a part of my wedding, My mom made a plea to me not to marry my wife, My fiancé and I went to counseling to deal with this situation, I met my BioDad, I did not invite my mother to a wedding she did not want to occur, she still did not show up, we had a beautiful wedding with 400+ in attendance, an amazing reception where we danced until almost midnight, and will be married for 7 years this Summer. That's the engagement in a nutshell.
Throughout the entirety of my engagement, and on the day of my wedding, I struggled with the loss of relationship with my mother. Even though I was closer to my Step-Dad, it is the relationship with my mom I feel that she cheated me out of. Because if the way she raised me, and the things she said to me, I assumed that she would be a great mother-in-law and grandmother, ultimately. I still have a hold-out for my kids to know their grandmother, but I won't force ANY negative influence into their lives. I grew up with a mother who was very strong and determined it's where I get those qualities), but the reality is closer t insecure and confused. I don't know if I will ever get a chance to talk with the strong woman who raised me; I think she is gone from me forever.
The Mother of MY Children
The idea of mother, when i think about what I think it should be, and what I experience, they do not always match up. As a mother, would you tell your child that they were an accident, almost aborted, conceived in hate? Of course not, because you are most likely a well-adjusted individual. My wife is constantly amazed at the miracle that is our children. She is awe-struck an the idea that these two beautiful being are the product of us. She is protective, she builds them up, she teaches them, she trains them, she disciplines them, she is creative in how she interacts with them. She is an amazing mother. I hope to talk her into writing on this blog one day [fingers crossed]. I never have, and I never will have any fears about my kids when they are with their mother.
I love my wife. When I see the things she does for our kids, I don't wish that I had those things from my own mother. However, I do wish she was able to be around to be those things for her grandchildren.
I live two miles from my mom, and we're worlds apart.